Raising Healthy Eaters: The Do's & Don'ts of Family Mealtime
Hello. I'm Leslie Dudley Corbel, and I'm Diane Doucette Matthews. Welcome to the mind of a child. We're so glad you've joined us for today's conversation. Today, Diane and I are gonna talk about a topic near and dear to our hearts, which is food and family meal time.
Diane Matthews:Yes. We love food for sure, and I'm sure a lot of you out there love food also. But also meal time, that's very, very important. We've talked to quite a few young moms who they've tried to work through dinner time with their children. We don't wanna call our children what's the word, Leslie?
Diane Matthews:Picky eaters? Yes. We'll talk about that later on in our episode, but, yes, we don't wanna label. There's different terms thrown out there. Picky eater, adventurous eater, or even maybe a healthy eater.
Diane Matthews:Are they made or are they born that way? So it should be an interesting episode.
Leslie Corbell:And now that we're talking about food, I mean, eating really is a basic need. I mean, we're talking about something that we all do. It's really need. I mean, we're talking about something that we all do. It's really a blessing.
Diane Matthews:Mhmm.
Leslie Corbell:And mealtime can be a blessing. And so, we want to talk about ways that both of these things can be blessings for you and your family. Our goal during meal time, if we think about what what is our goal, why are we doing this, is to provide nourishment to our children and to provide family time for our children. That should be our main goal with meal time.
Diane Matthews:That's right. And when we think about family time, just time around the table, what a precious time. I mean, instead of having power struggles about what to eat, just what a beautiful time just to encourage and find out what's going on during the day. And then what can happen during those times is just besides encouragement, a teaching can happen while you're at the table. So it's nutrition and quality table time.
Leslie Corbell:So the first thing I think about is teaching patients. And why don't you tell us about something your family did as you began meal times?
Diane Matthews:Well, I tell you what, my family growing up did not do this. It was like grab your food, sit down, and eat, and then that was it. But, Hank, when we had a few kids, he had the kids wait until I sat down before they started eating. And, you know, I'll say, that was uncomfortable. It it took me a while to get a customer that I was like, oh, no.
Diane Matthews:No. No. Y'all go eat. It's no big deal, but, no. He would have me wait.
Diane Matthews:And I think because of that, I realized later on what an honor it was to not only me, but just to teach the kids to honor their wives later on, and ultimately, all of them
Leslie Corbell:to honor God. And it taught them patience. And then you bring up something else there, honoring God. I mean, opening your meal with prayer Mhmm. And letting that be a time.
Leslie Corbell:And that's not something I did growing up as a child, and it wasn't something we really did growing up as a family. And that's something I desire for my family now, and I hope that my children take that to their families.
Diane Matthews:Yeah. And if you make that a priority and try to do that every time, you know, God is the giver of these gifts. Food is a gift, and it is a blessing. So yeah.
Leslie Corbell:You know, we open talking about what a blessing it is. So when we do open in prayer, it really helps us set the tone for that. This is a moment. This is a moment of blessing for
Diane Matthews:our family. And you talked about this next one, just enjoying one another, that being the main goal. Yeah.
Leslie Corbell:Just a wonderful time for conversation, for fun times, celebrations, whatever. Yes. The family time together the table is so important, and I really encourage all of you to find that time together,
Diane Matthews:to eat together. And make the time together more important than the meal or the food, you know, instead of sitting going, oh, mama, this is gross, or, you know, I don't like this food. That's not the point of the mealtime. Sure. Nutrition is important, but it's just sitting down together.
Diane Matthews:You hear about people in the cars driving through and getting food and going to their next, you know, event or practice. Of course, that's gonna happen, but try to plan times around the table during the week. It's invaluable. Okay. This next one was kind of a surprise for me, and I think I did it out of that patience.
Diane Matthews:I wanted to get everything on the table as quick as I could because I knew everybody was waiting for me, and it's called family style. And I think we've all been to restaurants where they do family style. You know, they just put all the food on the table and everybody serves themselves. Well, reading about it, it's called Fussy Eaters Solutions, and it was Marie French. And she talked about how helpful this is because it helps children be able to learn to make choices, good choices, portion controls.
Leslie Corbell:That kind of falls into one of the things that I talk to my kids about and ask them to share with me some ideas from their childhood, and Hans, my son, mentioned we had these little trays, and they had the little compartments. And he said that's one of his favorite memories of childhood, being able to put little things in those compartments, just the choice that that brought. And children like things in little places. I've seen things on Instagram with the muffin tins. Yes.
Leslie Corbell:You know, families serving their meals to the children, muffin tins. It makes it fun. And so that brings in that whole, not only are you having family style serving with portions and choice, now it's fun.
Diane Matthews:We brought
Leslie Corbell:in this element of, here's my little plate. We had Toy Story plates and different little things that utensils that they could use. We also would use to find china and bring it out, and that was it just elevates the moment. Let's give this moment of blessing the respect and honor and fun that it really deserves.
Diane Matthews:And priority. Yeah.
Leslie Corbell:The children enjoy that. Yes. Try to
Diane Matthews:do that instead of plating their food. That's really easy to do sometimes, is just put their serving on, and then put it on the on the table, and then by the time mom and dad get their food and sit down, they're almost finished, and they want to get away from the table, So, it eliminates family time. Absolutely. I'd asked my daughter what types
Leslie Corbell:of things she remembered, and you you can see that we're falling back on the fun part of it. But, yeah, one of the things that she talked about was the names that we had for things. So we had our foods tended to be fun. So we had teddy bear toast, and that was my husband's contribution to the family, where he would have toast, put butter on it to make the eyes and the mouth, and then sprinkle cinnamon and sugar. So it had these little toast pieces with faces on them, and they really enjoyed that.
Leslie Corbell:We had things like
Diane Matthews:Oh, no.
Leslie Corbell:Names for You're gonna say it. I am. I am. So when I served spaghetti, we didn't just have spaghetti, we had bugs and worms. Oh.
Leslie Corbell:And it was just it was just a way to meet each other with a little humor in there and make meal time this moment of connection.
Diane Matthews:And they loved it. They loved it.
Leslie Corbell:And it stuck. You know?
Diane Matthews:I love it. We had, we did the celery with the peanut butter and the raisins on top, and it was ants on a log, and we did fun things like that too. I think we did smiley faces on anything you could put a smiley face on. Oatmeal, waffles, you name it. And, children, they love colorful things, so remember to put color on their plate.
Diane Matthews:Just a tip on that is, if you don't cook your vegetables too much, there'll be brighter colors and they'll be more nutritious.
Leslie Corbell:So try to do that and arrange them pretty. And texture can be a thing too. It didn't occur to me that they might not like something. It was just never an issue. And I think one of the things that looking back I must have done was I always served something that I knew they liked, and then offered other foods as well that night, and never really made an issue of whether or not they finished one thing or didn't finish one thing.
Leslie Corbell:It was available to him. I just didn't make an issue out of it. Right.
Diane Matthews:So what about empty plate or clear your plate? What do you think about that?
Leslie Corbell:I'm not for the clean plate club. You certainly wouldn't wanna make eating a punishment or reward.
Diane Matthews:Oh, boy. We agree on that one. My goodness. It's just food. That's right.
Diane Matthews:And when you were talking about you provided nutritious food, put it on the table, and we would always have plenty available for the kids. And then we had bread and peanut butter and jelly too, and a lot of times we'd have fruit and vegetables, a starch, and a protein. So there was plenty to choose from. The kids did not get up from the table hungry. So, yeah.
Diane Matthews:Provide a lot.
Leslie Corbell:Yeah. And I wouldn't even I didn't ever provide anything outside what everyone else was eating. It was just I made sure that one of the menu items was something I knew that they
Diane Matthews:liked. Mhmm.
Leslie Corbell:So that they could try other things, but I knew that they would have would enjoy one of the items.
Diane Matthews:So if they didn't like something that you have provided and they had tasted it before and they said, no, mom, I'm I'm past.
Leslie Corbell:I don't recall that ever being a thing. So that that's a good question because is it that I just didn't notice? You know, and it wasn't my perspective coming in on it that Mhmm. And maybe I just served it again and they liked it the next time. It just wasn't something that registered for me that they might or might not like something.
Diane Matthews:Yeah. That wasn't the priority.
Leslie Corbell:What I remember from my family time eating with my kids is that I was talking about the food that we were eating. It wasn't I was saying, oh, here, eat this or eat that or try this or try that. We were just eating together. Mhmm. And so, it really came more from that heart of nourishment for us as a family.
Leslie Corbell:Right. And if I
Diane Matthews:fix something that my mother had fixed, it was like, oh my goodness. This is such a good memory. I remember mama would fix this, and I Yeah. I don't remember having a lot of issues and power struggles. I guess because, yeah, it just didn't make it a a big deal.
Leslie Corbell:So You just dropped the key phrase there though, power struggle. Yes. Because I do think that sometimes when people have, you know, they might say that they're having issues at the dinner table or my child's a picky eater or some other statement about their child. I really wanna avoid labeling children first. Mhmm.
Leslie Corbell:Just because maybe in that moment, they aren't eating something, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're picky eater.
Diane Matthews:That's right.
Leslie Corbell:Now if you start calling them a picky eater, guess what they're gonna become? That's right. I guess I'm a picky eater. Okay. So let me start picking and choosing.
Leslie Corbell:So I I really would encourage parents to not label your child. This is a moment in time, today and tonight, and it may not be the moment tomorrow. You offered that food, what was it, 10 to 12 times? Yes.
Diane Matthews:That's what we read, sometimes. 10 to 15 times before a child will accept it sometimes.
Leslie Corbell:So just relax a little bit in the moment and offer it again. I think it's also important when I think about the dos and ways you you can encourage healthy eating, Involve your children in the meal prep, choosing what the menu's gonna be. Get them involved in it and help them take ownership of it. Mhmm.
Diane Matthews:And what about the cute little story you said about Madeline? Oh, goodness. Yes. That was real cute when y'all were talking about healthy foods.
Leslie Corbell:Yes. Because as you talked about, there is some amount of teaching, and we wanna encourage these healthy eating patterns and habits and food choices. Mhmm. And so we wanna do it authentically. Right?
Leslie Corbell:I don't wanna start preaching to my child about what they can eat and what they can't eat, but I wanna see that they're getting a balanced diet Mhmm. And teach them about fruits and vegetables and grains and protein and calcium and all of that. So I was having a conversation with Madeleine, and we were talking about, you know, oh, well, this is nutrition. And so she turned to me, and she just got a funny look on her face and looked and said, so are potato chips old Trishan?
Diane Matthews:So she can.
Leslie Corbell:Yeah. So they are listening to us and they are learning about food and food choices. Another friend, when her child was 45, she had a little place in the kitchen where, you know, she had certain foods she wanted him to choose during the day, and she wanted to give him some choice. And so she put them on a little magnet board, and he could choose 3 of 1 category and 2 of another category. So she was teaching him how to have some independence over choosing these healthy foods.
Leslie Corbell:We did have some don'ts on here too. We've kind of sprinkled some of them in already with along with our dues. 1, which the big one being don't label your child.
Diane Matthews:And I did wanna mention something else to that. I want the benefit of the doubt. So we want to give that to our children too. We wanna think the best of them.
Leslie Corbell:And can we go back to also the power struggle? Because I wanna talk about that a little bit more. Because sometimes when I'm talking to parents and even teachers, it's almost like I wanna like a subset podcast episode called the heart of a parent. Mhmm. And really think about if you are perceiving your child as being a picky eater or being manipulative or something like that and attaching any sort of judgment to it that you think for a moment God is working in your life and maybe revealing to you some blind spot for you.
Leslie Corbell:Is there some element of wanting to control what the child eats, control the child's behavior? Something in you that's being revealed right at that moment that if you handled that situation, explored it, grew a little bit more there, you might be in a position to help your child, encourage your child. Because I think sometimes their challenging behaviors are there to show something about us. Could you give us, like, an example? So one example might be a child is saying, I'm hungry.
Leslie Corbell:They've eaten an hour prior to that. Mhmm. A parent might think, well, there's no way they're hungry. You're either bored or you're trying to manipulate me or something else like that and attach some judgment to the child's behavior. So one thing you can think about is, are they calling for connection?
Leslie Corbell:There's always a message behind a child's behavior. So don't just dismiss and try to label it as something, be present with it. Connect with them in that moment. If you're playing an activity then and they still are asking for food, they're hungry. They just didn't have the words to say it.
Leslie Corbell:But if you play with them and have some moments together, they were really seeking connection and didn't know how to ask for that either.
Diane Matthews:Yeah. There's always a message in the behavior. Always. And we just, as parents, that's when we're present and we're looking for it, not putting on our message, but looking for their message. Yes.
Diane Matthews:That's when we can we can do it. So don't ever force a child to eat something. We've talked about that a little bit. Do you wanna add anything else to that?
Leslie Corbell:We want to help our children learn to understand their body signals. You know, are you really hungry and wanna keep eating, or are you satisfied? And so when we force children to eat or make pressure coming into it or something like that, we start interrupting that message. And when we put pressure, there goes our power struggle again. Yeah.
Leslie Corbell:Because a child begins resisting the pressure rather than focusing on their body signal. And then
Diane Matthews:the negative messages that they have over the food, over the time at the table, there's all kinds of bad things that can come from that situation. This was interesting. I did some reading about this, but it said, one thing that can cause some problems with eating is scented candles. So a don't would be, if you have a child that's having some problems trying new things, don't burn scented candles during meal times. Taste and smell are so closely connected.
Diane Matthews:You know, I didn't really put that together, but that's something you might want to investigate and try. And also, they did mention sinus problems. A lot of sinus issues could contribute to that. So it may be something you wanna investigate. Just blow out those candles during meal times, unless they're unscented.
Diane Matthews:Unless they're unscented. This is true.
Leslie Corbell:Another interesting thing we found when just doing a little research was that what was it? 30,000 taste buds
Diane Matthews:Oh, yes.
Leslie Corbell:For a young child, an infant, toddler, young child. And so with that. Born.
Diane Matthews:With that. Yes. And they're developed in the womb. That's amazing to me.
Leslie Corbell:It is. It really is. So they really do have sensitive palates, much more sensitive than we do. And so you can think about this. Just be aware if you enjoyed spicy foods when you were pregnant with your child and when you were breastfeeding, your child may really enjoy and be used to spicy foods.
Leslie Corbell:But if that wasn't the case, these are gonna be new for them. Mhmm. And they could potentially overwhelm them, they could be, maybe need some more introduction to them. But if they don't like them, it doesn't mean they're a picky eater, they just need some more time with them. That's right.
Diane Matthews:And so, the other thing that we wanted to end with, just with the don'ts, don't go longer than 2 or 3 hours without supplying your your child with some nutritional food. Let's say you have dinner at 5, and you don't put your child to bed until 8, so you have dinner, y'all go outside and play or play inside, and then your child says they're hungry. They probably really are hungry. They probably need something nutritious in their bellies before you put them down. So something to think about there too.
Leslie Corbell:Yeah. Hearing their message. And so if you think about it, you know, if we really look at the big picture, our goal is to provide nourishment for our child and for our family time together. That should be our big picture for meal times. Mhmm.
Diane Matthews:And in the process, we're teaching them by example. We're gonna have great conversations about everything, including nutrition. And you don't wanna make issues out of things that aren't issues.
Leslie Corbell:And mealtime really is a blessing. We, as the parent, really set the tone and the stage for what should be as it's intended. Mhmm. A very foundational, memorable, lifelong experience with their families when they grow up. Nutrition and connection are just basic human needs.
Leslie Corbell:That's right. And that's what happens when we're at the table together. Things that you can do to encourage healthy eating habits and wonderful family time with your children around the table, pray before meals. Set the stage for this being a wonderful blessing that it is. Serve family style.
Leslie Corbell:Make it a family activity and to help everyone eat at the same time and not have anyone finish before the other, but you really enjoy that time. Be patient when you offer new foods to your children. It will take 10 to 15 times of seeing a new food to enjoy it. Children are mindful of color and texture, so you be mindful of that as well. Fresh vegetables and foods are wonderful.
Diane Matthews:Lord, we thank you so much for just all these reminders that meal time is a blessing. Food is a blessing. And so, we thank you, that we can have family time and we have children. So, teach us to keep this a priority. And it's in Jesus' name we pray.
Diane Matthews:Amen.
Leslie Corbell:Thanks for listening. Check out our Instagram at the mind of a child pod, or you can email us at the mind of a child podcast at gmail dot com.
