The Mind of a Child

Hello, I'm Leslie Dudley Corbell and I'm Diane Doucette Matthews. Welcome to the Mind of a Child.

We're so glad you joined us for part two of our question and answers episode. Let's just settle in, grab a cup of coffee. And let's get talking. Today we're going to be answering questions that are centered more around family spiritual growth. And the first question we're going to tackle is about family devotions and how to approach these.

So I'm going to read the question. How to make scripture prayer devotionals fun and not something we need to force when our kids aren't interested in the specific moment. We've tried bringing in scripture before bed, but she wants to read her favorite book. What's a good practice for doing something intentional that the kids may not love?

I've tried a quick tea, hot chocolate in the afternoon with a small devotional and they would rather play. Do I force it? So, I know we talked about this in our first answer. I think we said it at the same exact time. Do not force it. You don't want to force devotionals, but you want to put it in to play naturally in your family at a specific time.

We both said first thing in the morning. Like Jesus went away in the morning, by himself to spend time with the Lord quite often. Mark 1. 35, very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house, and went off to a solitary place where he prayed. It's important for us to do that before the day gets going and all the distractions happen.

I would suggest maybe trying a different time instead of the afternoon. There's different issues in the afternoon. At breakfast, it's such a perfect time because you have them captive. Yes. You have a captive audience. And that's what we did. We did in the morning, we would have a devotional, and you can find a lot of children's devotionals that are just short and sweet with maybe one or two questions.

Just read it. You and your husband do it, or just you, and if the kids aren't interested in it at first, that's okay, because they'll eventually, if you do it, not every day, but almost every day, they'll eventually, you know, see, oh my goodness, we're doing this every day, let me, let me get involved, you know, I'm missing out on this, they'll, they'll jump in eventually.

And I think too, if we can remember that young children are sometimes listening when they're doing other things. Absolutely. And so they are hearing you and seeing you, so yes, I wouldn't force it. I'm with you on all that. And about the afternoon, I would have a couple questions for who wrote this. Are they just coming home from school?

Because I know kids, just like adults, you know, when they get home from school, they, they just kind of want to be at home, just relax, just like an adult does. So that might not be the best time. Also, maybe if it's right when they wake up from a nap, that could work. Once again, you could have a captive audience and they're sitting having a snack and you could do a devotional.

So, uh, I wouldn't make it a to do. But I'd make it, we are doing, this is what our family does. I, I struggle with being structured and doing things in time and I kind of get into, once I establish a rhythm, I don't ever depart from that rhythm. But it takes me a while to, to get it started. So one thing I would do too is, you can always ask the children.

It's important that we spend time with them. You know, studying God's Word. He has given us this holy Bible for us to read and learn, to guide us. So, when would be a good time that we could all sit down and do this together? Put it in their lap. Let them choose. When you give them ownership like that too, it also leads to them wanting to do it more.

Brings me to the next question that somebody asked. What daily, weekly, monthly rhythms did y'all do as a family to help disciple your kids? We talked about this at our class that we did. It comes from the book that we would suggest that you have as a resource, but it's by Matt Chandler. It'll be in the notes for y'all.

And this is what they suggested for the different times during the day. So like morning, have an encouraging word and instill a purpose. And then you want to read the next one, we can go back and forth. So the next part is drive time and think about informal dialogue that you might have. The wind down, the listening to the children as they come up from afterschool and tell you things, using those opportunities.

Yeah, and then the next one was meal time. Just an intentional discussion, and that can be looked at as establishing values. And then the next one was. Bedtime. Bedtime. That's such a sweet moment, a tender moment to really talk with children and hear them. For me, that would work, but I, Hank and I both, did it more like Deuteronomy 6.

I think it's a good way, instead of having just these bullet point times to do it. Now, I think those ideas are very, very important, but just to do it as you go. These words I am commanding you today. To be upon your hearts and you shall teach them diligently to your children and speak of them when you sit at your home, when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you get up.

And you know those are about the four things that we're talking about. I like the idea of doing it as you live. That's more my style to you, is that, you know, acting out of the spirit in those moments and finding, you know, whatever God is revealing to you to teach your child, to guide your child. Mm hmm.

And there's so many examples during the day. We did a lot of, uh, Christian parenting studies together, Hank and I, and, and so it helped us formulate our plan of action, so to speak, but some of the things that we thought were real important was respect for authority, loving God in others. Sharing the gospel with them honoring the elderly before I started doing those books I didn't really think about how important it was to God and that it was on his heart to really honor the elderly I had missed that one growing up so and being a good steward of time talent and treasures and Memorizing scripture, you know, I've mentioned this before but the Christian school that my kids went to Had that, you know, weekly.

And so that helped us incorporate that into what we were doing. And so that, that was really helpful. And you know, we had community group and Bible study in our homes. And then we did service projects, you know, helping the needs of the needy. So I think if you're living it, just living it, it's just gonna, you know, kind of oozes out.

I think that rhythm of life, the discipleship that happens is a part of that Deuteronomy passage in chapter six. Another question we had was, how do you teach humility to children by modeling humility is one of the first things that comes to mind. Our children observe us and that's one of the most powerful ways that we teach them is when we're walking in the spirit with our, with humility.

So let's think about some practicals. Expressing gratitude. To our spouses for the things that they do. I think anytime we express gratitude to someone, praising God for it and being thankful for what he has done in our lives, giving thanks to our spouse for what they have done for the family, the contributions, I think all of those teach humility.

Because we know that we depend on God for our day to days. Another practice will be having chores around the house. Letting them contribute to the family in some meaningful ways, whether it's a toddler setting the table with a napkin at each plate. Just any little thing that they can do, help them contribute to the family.

That'd be another little practical. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but you know, that's another one of our questions that's on this. Is, uh, about. chores. So we will visit that in just a minute. Yeah. Another thing that we can do is scarcity. You know, having a mentality of scarcity, we don't get everything that we want and, and there's no reason for us to have everything that we want.

So let's go back to last episode, our first episode of Q and A's on tantrums, frustration, fits and meltdowns and help our children handle. Those moments when things don't go their way, when they can't have something that they want. So how, I mean, scarcity, that's really a strange word for 2025, you know? So let's, let's kind of visit that for a minute.

So much is at our fingertips. I know. We can have instant gratification. So helping children To understand that there are things that we have to wait for and wait with patience. I know. And help them do that. Don't expect it of them, but help them, walk them through that. Yes, and you know, I'm thinking, what do I wait for patiently?

You know, what have I had to experience? Scarcity, what areas have I had to experience scarcity in? You know, and that's, in this generation, in this time, it's just a foreign word. So you might have to be creative, I'm just thinking, wow, I have to be creative, even with grandchildren, because it's so easy to just, I've talked about it before, just, oh, all these wonderful gifts out here, all these toys, but just to go to the basic ones and just tell myself, no, personally, I'm thinking this personally, but as a family.

You know, that's, that's tough. I think one way is to, uh, it's, you know, the word humility. And I thought about examples of Bible characters. Well, first we know Jesus is the perfect example of humility. He laid down his life. He serves. I think of a servant's heart. I think of Paul, he had a very humble heart, a servant's heart.

Just pointing out examples, daily examples of people that you see that are showing a humble spirit or a humble heart. Yeah, and I mean, there's so many stories in the Bible that will offer us that and we should read those with our children. And then I want to think about that word scarcity again, because I kind of just threw that out there, but it's really, that's not even the perspective I really want to have.

Because scarcity implies that I don't have enough of something. But really we're teaching our children they have, we have everything that we need. God has given us everything that we need. By scarcity, really what I'm talking about there is just to keep things minimal so that we're not overwhelmed by them.

Because when we get overwhelmed, when there's so much of everything, it's very overwhelming. And I think it crowds our mind. We can't focus then on the things that we really appreciate and really use. It crowds our body. And so, when your house is disorganized, we, you know, we can feel disorganized inside.

So by scarcity, that's really all I mean, is just keep things out because we have everything that we need and help your children fully appreciate the things that they do have. So would you say just live a more minimal life in every area? Or are you thinking material? Or what, what are you thinking?

Slowing down in materials. I think that that helps us appreciate then what's around us. And when everything, when we're so grateful for everything that's around us, I think that then we develop, God develops humility within us. That gratefulness, that thankfulness for every moment. Even, you know, the food on our table at dinner, just to stop and, you know, be thankful for what we have instead of, I want more, I want more, I want, this isn't what I want.

You know, no, let's be thankful for what we have. There's a lie out there that we all fall prey to, the lie of bigger and better. And when I was thinking about that, my husband's teaching through the book of Zechariah, and he immediately said, Oh my goodness, that's in the book of Zechariah. You know, that God said, it's Zechariah 4.

10 by the way, do not despise these small beginnings for the Lord rejoices to see The work began and what he was talking about was the, um, the temple of Solomon was destroyed 586 BC. But then in 520 BC, Zerubbabel received a word from God to build the next temple. Well, when the people started coming, when the Jewish people started coming back in, the next, The temple was small and it wasn't as majestic as Solomon's temple.

And so the people were real disappointed. But that's when God said, uh, do not despise the small things. You know, and so I think it's a principle, also in Luke it says, whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much. So I think just a principle to teach our children is just bigger and fancier.

doesn't mean that it pleases the Lord. It's the little things, like being grateful for what we have, not wanting more all the time. Our next question was, how to balance not over protecting and not over exposing your kids. Boy, that is a tough one. We talk about so much. It is. Um, going on. But when we think that what this person was talking about their question, because that's all they said there, was that it was about cultural influences like movies, social media, phones, etc.

I would tend to be on the over protecting side. Because Our children are going to hear and be exposed to anything and everything, anyway. Before we want them to. Before we want them to. So I would tend to over protect, just because children staying children is so important to me. And not being exposed to adult concerns and adult agendas too early in age.

I really want to give them the nurturing that their selves deserve, I think. Mm hmm. And yet, like if we talk about. The beauty of sex within marriage. We want them to hear that from mom and dad and not from the little boys and girls at school. So there really is a balance there, some discernment and wisdom from mom and dad to know when to do that.

So you really have to pray and think through that about timing with your kids. I mean, I know Hank and I decided when for each child and took them individually. Yeah. Absolutely. and told them. When children start asking questions, you want to answer their question only to the extent that they asked it.

And more importantly, I think you want to listen to them. So, I heard someone, it was Erin at our church the other day, say something about mastering the art of not freaking out. And I think that is, yes, you want to be that person that your child can come to with any question, Any concern, any comments that they heard another child ask, they're coming to you for, for encouragement, reflection, to understand, make some understanding of this.

And so being able to hear what they say without your, your facial expressions changing, without your heart quickening and really paying for peace and wisdom in that moment. Well, your heart may be quickening, but your face staying calm, you know? Yes. But as soon as you start praying for. peace and, and for wisdom, your heart settles down too, so that you can be that person for your child.

Whether you've, you've overprotected, you've underprotected, you've overexposed, your children have heard something, you just want to be the person who can, they can come to, and they can share that with, and then you can, you know, Guide them. Like what you're saying, you, you and your husband or grandparents, whatever, you want to be a safe place and you want them to feel safe to say and ask whatever question is out there because they're going to have a lot of questions.

I mean this world is changing and there's new questions all the time and you don't want them to learn on social media or online. You want them to come to you or if they've heard something to be able to come safely to you. And I think it's okay to set limits. In our family, we do this or we don't do this and, and teach that to them on the front end.

And put protections on the computer. Yes. Protections on social media, protections on phones, computers, TV, and all that. And those little guardrails. Boundaries are important. One thing that we did do when the kids got older, we would sit around the table and we Hank was very big at having questions when we sat at the dinner table.

He would always come up with some questions. We would role play like, on any subject, like if you're in a situation and it doesn't feel safe, what would you do? Call, get to a phone? Or if They're drinking or if there's pornography or if a boy or girl wants to do something that you don't want to, you know, just we role played and walk them through those situation as they got older.

Definitely. Age appropriate. Definitely. Definitely. Definitely age appropriate. That's a very good suggestion. But protect as long as you can. Give them God's perspective for as long as you can. They're going to hear the word world's perspective. Sadly enough, probably more than the God's perspective, but you can't give God's perspective too much.

Just going back to that being that safe place, your children may come to you with that. Maybe confessions or admissions of things that they have done or said or experienced. And, again, just being that complete, calm, peaceful, safe parent who can guide them and point them back to truth. Yeah. God forgives you.

I forgive you. I love you no matter what. Yeah. So, what's our next question, Diane? The last question is about unity in discipleship. No. Diane. Discipline. Discipline. How to determine disciplinary roles for husband and wife. It's important to be on the same page for sure. You want to present a united front to your children.

So that means you want to discuss things like this with your spouse. What is our stance on something something? What how are we going to handle this this moment? And that may take many discussions, hard discussions, coming to a united front on it because you may disagree. I know Hank and I, I mentioned earlier I think we did quite a few Christian parenting studies that helped us discuss.

They had good questions that kept that discussion going. Because we were raised so different, so different. We had different perspectives coming together. So, um, you know, understanding each other's perspectives and developing one. Yes, because as you point out, the different perspectives, how you were raised.

And so it's important to ask yourself, why do I have this perspective? Why do I have this belief? Why do I think it needs to be done this way? Really kind of holding that loosely and looking at truth. You know, what really is our goal here? What is our mission? Because you really want to have God's perspective.

Right. You want to, want to have God's truth and why are we doing this? Because this is what God says is important. This is God's plan. And yeah, we're teaching God's principles. We want them to grow up to have God's characteristics and God's truth and God's, yeah, melting all that together. And sometimes that can be hard.

Yeah, and so we have to ask ourselves, how are we being shaped right now? And knowing that along the way, there's going to be adjustments, you know, as kids grow and get older, you know, there's, there's real specific practical things like what time they're going to come home, you know, when will they be able to go to get in a car with somebody else?

You know, there's, there's little bitty things that you have to work out. And you know, that's not in the scriptures about what time to have to come home at night. That's right. You know, so you have to work out those little specific things and yeah, just, uh, communication. Communication is so important between the husband and wife to, to make sure you know what each one is thinking.

I do have a suggestion though, very early on, do not let your children play each other. At our home, if a child came to me and asked me something and they didn't get the answer they wanted and then went over to Hank and asked the same question and got a different answer, as soon as we found that out, boom, the answer was no.

That was not a discussion because you know what, if they do it once, they'll try it again and it will just go the wrong way. And kind of going with that is just a reminder to us to really listen to our children and answer them. And sometimes that answer may be, let me go talk to your father. Absolutely.

Because if I'm busy doing something, I can think of times when I was kind of busy and I might just not really think about their question, but just give an answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. That's, that sounds good. And then I'm like, Oh my goodness. So just really pausing in that moment. Are we really responding the way we want to respond?

Yes.

We hope these questions have been helpful to you. Just a reminder that there are no perfect parents. These are some possibilities and some strategies and things to think about. Our goal is, of course, to guide our children and to teach them about the gospel, to share God's stories with them, and that should be our overall goal here.

Lord, we just thank you so much for this time that we could answer these questions, hopefully pleasing to you. We just want to bow in, uh, humility and gratefulness. And we thank you for your son. And it's in his name we pray. Amen. Thanks for listening. Check out our Instagram at the mind of a child pod, or you can email us at themindofachildpodcast@gmail.com.