The Mind of a Child

[00:00:00] Diane Matthews: Hello, I'm Leslie Dudley Corbell. And I'm Diane Doucette Matthews. Welcome to The Mind of a

[00:00:09] Leslie Corbell: Child.

[00:00:14] Diane Matthews: We're so glad you've joined us today. We're gonna be talking about slowing down. There are times we all need to choose to slow down, and what we see is a need in ourselves and young parents, uh, that when a child is dependent on you, that's probably a really significant time to choose to slow down. And so what does this look like?

[00:00:38] Diane Matthews: Or what are some obstacles that could come in? If you've been traveling, been busy,

[00:00:44] Leslie Corbell: rushing, stressed- Mm ... which I wanted, I wanted to land on that word for a minute, 'cause I heard this recently, and I, I had never really thought about this. But stressed, when people say, "I'm stressed"-

[00:00:56] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm ...

[00:00:57] Leslie Corbell: it's really a code word for anxiety.

[00:00:59] Leslie Corbell: It's from my [00:01:00] biblical counseling class. What they pointed out to us is that that's often a code word that men will use when they are experiencing anxiety. Huh. Because what it does is it focuses on the external events, rather than what's going on in the inner person. Inside, yeah. In the heart. Inside of them.

[00:01:16] Diane Matthews: Interesting.

[00:01:17] Leslie Corbell: Yeah. So oftentimes when, uh, men will, might say, or, or women, I mean, really anyone- Yeah ... who says, "I feel stressed," they then ask you for prayer, and the prayer is often about the event or the circumstances- ... going on. Uh-huh. But really what we wanna do is pray for the heart- Yeah ... in that moment.

[00:01:35] Leslie Corbell: What's going on inside. For peace- Yeah ... in that moment- Mm ... with what's going on. So I just wanted- Interesting ... to throw that in there. That was good. But yeah, so all of those things can be going on and can cause some sort of disruption to sleep schedules and nap times.

[00:01:49] Diane Matthews: Yeah, both naps- Mm-hmm ... and bedtime, sleep.

[00:01:51] Diane Matthews: And cause

[00:01:52] Leslie Corbell: stress. Huh? And cause stress. And

[00:01:56] Diane Matthews: then cause stress. That's right. So what are some things that [00:02:00] are causing you stress right now? I'm just kidding. I know. What are some things that would, what are some ways that slowing down might look like for parents of young children?

[00:02:14] Leslie Corbell: For me, sometimes it's making a list of the things that I need to do later and writing them down so that I can put them out of mind.

[00:02:21] Diane Matthews: Uh, I know for me, I'll make a list, and then I'll, I'll write 1, 2, 3. And so maybe those things are, uh, will get done today, but maybe not, but at least I know what I'm shooting for, and so then I can put it, put it away. That, that helps me think through it. So you're not trying to get all of them done.

[00:02:38] Leslie Corbell: Mm-hmm.

[00:02:38] Leslie Corbell: I think sometimes I can have things set out in advance, m- make some preparation- Mm ... like what clothes need to be out, what is, what needs to be prepared and already ready- Mm-hmm ... so that I'm not rushing around trying to find things at the last minute, trying to find the matching pajamas or, but to have everything out.

[00:02:56] Diane Matthews: And I thought about even cooking. Uh, have- [00:03:00] your crockpot. Use your crockpot. Have it out. Cook your meals in your crockpot. Now, that might not sound delicious, but a time-saver, and then you have that done, and then you can slow down with meals too. Like, especially if you're working outside of the home, um, that's done when you walk in.

[00:03:18] Diane Matthews: So that's a good way. Another one is, uh, put your phone down. Mm-hmm. Turn your TV off. You know, then it's less clutter up in your mind, you know, and it, it, it'll allow you to slow down.

[00:03:29] Leslie Corbell: One thing for me too is changing my perspective. Mm. Because if I have a perspective m- that's feels burdensome, perhaps I'm approaching, you know, how do I look at putting my child to sleep for nap time or bedtime?

[00:03:46] Leslie Corbell: Am I going to this as a hassle or as a privilege? Is it a burden? Am I already ready for how hard it's gonna be, how difficult it's gonna be? Am I carrying that- Mm ... s- defeated [00:04:00] spirit in there with me into the bedroom? If I can pray, change my perspective, ask for, um, just a new life going into that, that can change what happens once the bedtime routine starts.

[00:04:15] Diane Matthews: I, I agree wholeheartedly, and I have an example for this. Not... It wasn't with that, but it was with something else. I remember when my kids were younger, a, a lady that I was spending time with, um, not that I was doing this, but she said, as an example, "When your child wakes up, make sure you verbally say, 'Oh, s- I'm so excited,' you know, instead of like, 'Oh, no,' you know, like, you know, like the child is waking up and disrupting your, what you're doing.

[00:04:46] Diane Matthews: To verbally say, 'Oh, I'm so excited.' And after a while, that, you know, you're, that's what you're thinking. Your mind's in, then your feeling feels that way too." Mm-hmm. So same thing, you know, with putting your child down for a nap or to [00:05:00] bed. "Oh, dear Lord, thank you." Verbalize you're... It's a privilege. It's a blessing that I get to spend time with them.

[00:05:07] Diane Matthews: I get to put them t- down to sleep. I get to be close to them. You know, verbally say those things e- even if it's just in your mind and your heart, but even out loud- Yeah ... if you can say those things, that will help change your perspective. And pray, like you said. Um, and, you know, there's some apps too out there that will calm your heart.

[00:05:26] Diane Matthews: One is just Pause. It's a, it's a prayerful, calming app that you can listen to. It's a Christian app that, that will help slow you down and calm you. And of course, Start the Day, even if it's, you know, a, a devotional that you can listen to on your phone, not an app, but a devotional. But, you know, of course, just be one with the Lord.

[00:05:48] Diane Matthews: You know, just have some time with God, and that will slow your heart down, slow your mind down, and that helps. You know? Mm-hmm. Just, y- it's, it's amazing how that will [00:06:00] change your perspective for the day. And it will slow you down so you can help your child, uh, have a good rest time and nap time and a, the whole daytime.

[00:06:14] Leslie Corbell: And that, you know, mentioning that app makes me think about different worship songs that you can turn on. Um, I know my son sent me one the other day, I think it's called As the Deer. Mm. It was such a pretty, such a pretty version of it, and just how restful that was. So I think you can... There's a lot of children's...

[00:06:33] Leslie Corbell: There are hymns, there's scripture set to music. Mm-hmm. Turning on that song int- intentionally, not just playing in the background, but intentionally turning it on, just kind of setting that tone of this is, this is bedtime, this is nap time. Mm. We're readying our hearts- Mm-hmm ... for this time, can make a difference too.

[00:06:51] Diane Matthews: Yeah. And if you have an infant or a young, young baby- Mm ... you can even do your quiet time with the child in your arms, you know? Yeah. And say it out [00:07:00] loud. Read your scripture, read your devotional. You can do all that with them in your arms. So, um, you know, just be creative. You can be creative, but make sure you have your time with the Lord.

[00:07:10] Diane Matthews: You, you know, that's, that's a good way of doing that.

[00:07:13] Leslie Corbell: For some people, it can be hard to say no to- Mm ... doing things. There's that fear of missing out, you know, no of, of paying attention to something. So you had a scripture that you found helpful to memorize-

[00:07:26] Diane Matthews: Oh ... in that time. Yes. And it was? Um, and actually, I, I was in college when I first memorized that.

[00:07:32] Diane Matthews: It was actually the first scripture I ever memorized. Uh, a pastor came to speak to the college group, and he challenged everybody to memorize it. And it was, "Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts, thoughts, and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in your way everlasting."

[00:07:52] Diane Matthews: And for me, it was, I know there's hurtful ways in me. Search me. I wanna [00:08:00] change, you know? So it's a prayer, and I still pray it- Mm-hmm ... and, m- m- you know, quote it all the time. So yeah, if you have a hard time saying no or the, the good old FOMO, you know, fear of missing out, you know, just ask the Lord to, to help you change.

[00:08:17] Diane Matthews: Because we all need to change and become more like Christ. We have lots of areas that, uh, need work on.

[00:08:27] Leslie Corbell: And you might be asking, why are we talking so much about the parent's need to prioritize and set time aside or- prepare themselves for the child's bedtime and nap time. Yeah, that's right. And it's because, you know, our heart, our inner person that we walk into this bedtime or nap time will affect or can affect our child's heart and their, and how they are ready to go to sleep.

[00:08:52] Leslie Corbell: You know, they do look for us for peace just like we look to the Lord for peace. So if we are troubled, focused on something [00:09:00] else, distracted, we might see changes in their sleep. It might not be them having a sleep problem. It could be us having a different, experiencing a different sort of problem. For example, if you've been away for work and you've not been at home, when you return, your child might have some trouble with bedtimes and nap times- Right

[00:09:22] Leslie Corbell: because they've missed you, and they, they wanna see you. Yeah. So w- it's, it's... And, and those things will happen. So it, rather than stress and worry about those moments that happen, just be r- just be prepared for them- Mm-hmm ... and walk through them- That's right ... gently. Or

[00:09:40] Diane Matthews: if they've been sick- Yes ... or they've been a- they have been away, you know?

[00:09:45] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm. Or just any little situation or circumstance that has changed, um- It can cause changes ... yeah, anything that changes, 'cause life has- Mm-hmm ... a lot of changes. Mm-hmm. So just be mindful of those situations because they do depend on [00:10:00] us. Mm. So that, that's a very important little tidbit, but yeah. Um-

[00:10:07] Leslie Corbell: And with that, we wanna encourage then that to respect the bedtimes and nap times for the wellbeing of the family, for you and for your child.

[00:10:17] Leslie Corbell: And so there are rhythms and routines that you develop for sleep, and so we encourage you to establish those.

[00:10:26] Diane Matthews: Mm-hmm.

[00:10:27] Leslie Corbell: So follow that same routine every night, every nap time, whether it's bath, pajamas, bottle, read book, pray, goodnight kiss, and lights out. One thing that my son-in-law does with their little 10-month-old baby is he makes it a point to go outside, even just for a moment, right before bedtime, just to walk around, of course, this is with a 10-month-old, just to walk around and see the trees and see the grass and see the sky changing and it getting darker.

[00:10:56] Leslie Corbell: And, you know, I think about the Psalm [00:11:00] 150 and just that song about it, "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord," and just taking that moment as the day is winding down to praise the Lord. Mm. And I think that's just a sweet little moment that they've got to- gotten together that prepares the heart for bedtime.

[00:11:15] Diane Matthews: And I do think that's a, a great practice to do, and I think, um, before bedtime, to let toddlers and young children expel some energy. And we know our children Better than other people would, but, and you know different levels with different children. But go on a walk, or let them play in the backyard, or after dinner just let them play freely out in the backyard.

[00:11:43] Diane Matthews: But as nighttime and bedtime routine gets closer, kind of let it slow down and shift it down a little bit so that they're not really quite as wired. Um, so that's a suggestion there to do that. [00:12:00] Uh, but it, that, with that routine, what I was, um, thinking through when I was thinking through it, and we did this, you wanna make it a habit and a routine, almost that the kids go on autopilot.

[00:12:13] Diane Matthews: So another thing to add in that, uh, is not to have a lot of, um, options for them. I mean, they know that this is the routine, and I know we've talked a lot about pictures. The pictures are so helpful. And so they know exactly what's coming next, so it's not a lot, lot of options that, that go into that. They just know, and the mind just goes on autopilot, and it just makes it more soothing and calming and comforting for them also.

[00:12:40] Diane Matthews: I, I agree with that

[00:12:41] Leslie Corbell: completely. You know, it's beautiful when it becomes an auto- when it just becomes a routine like that. Mm. Yes. There's just becomes a rhythm for the day. And I love how you've talked about before, one time when we were visiting about bedtimes, and I think with your children you would say good, turn the lights out and say [00:13:00] good night.

[00:13:00] Leslie Corbell: It was important that everyone was going to bed. The- Oh, yeah ... the house is going to bed. Yep. The families are going to bed. The

[00:13:05] Diane Matthews: cats are going to bed. Just it was- Well, 'cause we would shut down- ... a closing down ... the house. Everything. Like, we turned down the lights, and the TV was off. And because in some households, like the mom's putting the kids down and daddy's still watching the news.

[00:13:18] Diane Matthews: Well, hello. You know? That, it's kind of sad. Well, he's still awake. Why do I... You know? Is it, so just if everybody participates at the same time, it just, it helps. Yeah. 'Cause you can always go back and watch TV- Yeah, go and turn on the TV- But just for that moment- Yeah.

[00:13:34] Leslie Corbell: But, uh, everybody's going to sleep. Yeah.

[00:13:35] Leslie Corbell: It's, it's a, it's a bedtime. Yeah. And we encourage you to be consistent. Mm. I think consistency is the thing that it would want to really land on here. Do the same thing every night. There will always be disruptions that happen- Mm-hmm ... whether it's from family visiting in, out of town, or going out of town- Yeah

[00:13:56] Leslie Corbell: or illness, ear infections- Yeah. ... growing [00:14:00] pains. There's always gonna be something that comes along and disrupts that for you. Yeah. But if you stay the course and keep the routine, pick it right back up the next day, and have faith- Mm-hmm ... that you will stay on track, you will. And then this is from my daughter who has the 10-month-old, and I mean, that is her encouragement It's just to stay with that rhythm- Yeah, so-

[00:14:22] Leslie Corbell: and not lose heart ... and don't lose heart. Yeah.

[00:14:23] Diane Matthews: It's like the- you're, you're gonna, you're forced to be flexible 'cause of those situations. Mm-hmm. But just like you said, "Okay, well, just because we didn't do it for a day or two doesn't matter. We can jump back in." Mm-hmm. Just keep the rhythm, you know? So yeah, that's good advice.

[00:14:40] Leslie Corbell: And I think one th- and you talked about writing things down. So for me, it was, it was, been really helpful to write down when they have a bottle, when they have a nap- Mm ... when they have a, a playtime, just to kinda keep a note of that because it teaches you then how to respond, what [00:15:00] their cues are for hunger- Mm-hmm

[00:15:01] Leslie Corbell: or sleep. And so when those disruptions occur, you're a little more prepared to step right back in and start 'em again. Mm. You can work with their needs to get 'em right back on schedule. That's good. And so for me, that's been really, really helpful, writing it down. 'Cause then you can kinda see, 'cause they will change.

[00:15:19] Leslie Corbell: When, when they're a very young infant, they're gonna be sleeping a lot- Mm-hmm ... throughout the day. When they're a middle, middle-aged infant, the six to 10 months time period, they're gonna be getting down to two naps a day. Mm. And then pretty soon at a year, they're gonna dropping to one nap a day more than likely.

[00:15:37] Leslie Corbell: So sweet. So those progressions happen throughout the course of their infancy, and then even as a preschooler, there's gonna be changes that happen as they grow and develop. So having a record of it kinda helps you see that and gives you hope, hel- helps you see the rhythms- Mm ... that come around. S- so yeah.

[00:15:54] Leslie Corbell: And help you stay to it when disruptions occur.

[00:15:57] Diane Matthews: Yeah, because we don't wanna forget. We wanna [00:16:00] remember. Yeah. But sometimes in our worlds, we do forget, and so that's so important to write things down. But I was, uh, remembering about what you said just a little, little bit ago about why are we talking about so much for us?

[00:16:12] Diane Matthews: Who are we training, us or, or the children? But when you think about it, if we go back and count it a privilege of spending time with our children or our grandchildren, putting them down for a nap or putting them down for bed, that changes the whole environment. And you know what? The kids sense that. The children sense that.

[00:16:38] Diane Matthews: And if we're trying to develop a child's heart, that's where it starts, right there. They sense that joy, that peace, that comfort, that love. God's love is just transferred to their hearts. So I just think that's so beautiful. It just all comes together in a package, you know, just with, um... [00:17:00] It's a privilege to spend time with our kids, and the sleep train, slow down, it, it's, it's, it's a opportunity to just share with them the love of the Lord.

[00:17:16] Leslie Corbell: Children really are a blessing. They really are. And, and we see that every day with our children, whether they are three or 30 or 33 or- ... 40, and with our grandchildren. It really is. You, you see that every day. Mm-hmm. So when it's all is said and done, when it look, when we look at sleep training, remember that there will always be disruptions to routines- Mm-hmm

[00:17:37] Leslie Corbell: that occur. Infants will go from several naps to two naps to one nap. Ear infections, growth pains occur, as we said. This will all sort itself out. And when your child sleeps through the night that first time, and even second, third, and fourth times, you will find yourself waking up and checking on them. I know I did.

[00:17:59] Leslie Corbell: I [00:18:00] would run to their room- Yeah. ... and put my hand in front of their mouth to see if they were still breathing. I know. I did too. If I hadn't been like- Like, "Wait a second." Yeah. So, and you, and you almost miss those parties- Mm-hmm ... that you had in the middle of the night. So have faith during those sleep time struggles, and keep doing the good work that has been set before you- Mm

[00:18:18] Leslie Corbell: because it indeed is good work. Mm. And some of the best work you will ever, ever, ever do.

[00:18:29] Diane Matthews: Lord, it is good work to spend time with our children and to slow down and love on them. It's a privilege, and we, uh, thank you for it. Um, we just, once again, just give you all the children of the parents that are listening. We pray for them. We pray that they would grow up to be men and women that love you with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, and we just ask that you would [00:19:00] protect them, and it's in your name that we pray, amen.

[00:19:06] Leslie Corbell: Thanks for listening. Check out our Instagram at The Mind of a Child Pod, or you can email us at themindofachildpodcast@gmail.com.